Lesson Plan for Respect Vs Invalidation

November 29, 2008

Main Lesson Plan 30 minutes

Q: What are Power Tools?

Tools we can use in our “coaching”. However to reap most benefit from these tools, we need to first apply these tools to ourselves as coaches, we need to apply these powerful tools in our lives.

Coaching is a profession that does not separate the life from the profession. If coaches do not practise what they preach, they cannot be effective. The power and presence of the coach comes from the light that shines out of his life.

Q: How would you define respect? How do you understand it (Invite class to contribute):

The opposite of these will describe invalidating

Q: What are some ways we show respect for ourselves or for others?

Q: What are some ways we invalidate ourselves or for others?

Q: What is the impact of respecting self or others?

  • It strengthens you, you feel you have value
  • You bring out your best self, you perform at your best
  • You live up to that respect and own that honour – very powerful tool to bring out the best in ourselves and in others.
  • “To respect someone is a real gift in life and a powerful way to relate to the world around us.”

Conversely we can see how detrimental it is when we invalidate ourselves or others. (prepare story, example?)

Q: So what prevents us from respecting ourselves or others? Why wouldn’t we want to respect ourselves or others? What stands in the way? And what can do about it?

  • Judgments, conditioning, beliefs systems,
  • Our perception or interpretation of the person or event

Do you see how judgment can invalidate?

Q: Are we aware of the judgments we have as we relate to ourselves and others? Practise that awareness this week, zoom out, get some altitude and observe what thoughts go through our head as we go through the day, how we think of ourselves, or others or of a situation. Remember that facts have no meaning except the meaning we give it.

When we discern our judgments we can choose how to respond to someone or a situation. We can choose to either respect or invalidate. Every day, we are faced with this choice. How do we make our choices? Perhaps we may not be aware that we are passing on judgement every day on everyone, including ourselves.

Activity 5 minutes

Go through an incident or thought which you encounter today, can you recall what may have been the judgment that went through your head? How did that support you in wanting to respect? How might you do it differently in the future?

Sharing from 2

Fieldwork: Start noticing how we function / operate / think and then consciously choose to respect by suspending judgement

Q: What can you do about the judgment you have?

  • The first principle in Coaching is that we suspend judgment
  • The assumption here is that we are talking about negative judgment (granted that there is also good judgment).
  • We acknowledge, recognize and set it aside, we let our judgment go if we want to respect ourselves and others.

Q: What are some things we can do to help us exhibit respect for ourselves and others?

Q: What are some standards (tools) we can use to show respect for ourselves and others?

Reflection: what other standards might you want to add to your life?

Q: What are some boundaries you can set to let others know what you will and will not tolerate and why. We teach others how to treat us!

You need to be clear on what your limits are and then communicate that clearly to others. Don’t assume others will know because they won’t.

Reflection: where might you want to strengthen your boundaries for better performance?

Q: What are some ways we as coaches can show respect to our clients? This creates a safe environment for the client. It also serves as a model of respect for the client to follow in their own life.

Summary: 5 minutes

Ask participants (1 or more of the following):

  • What are your specific take-away?
  • How will you apply what you learn today?

Fieldwork: reflect and journal or post to blog. Also visit at least one other person’s post

  • Notice how you show respect for yourself in the coming week and acknowledge yourself for it
  • Notice how you show respect for others in the coming week and acknowledge yourself for it
  • In the coming week, notice if you shows moments where you invalidate yourself. Be aware and choose to let go of judgement and start respecting yourself
  • In the coming week, notice if you shows moments where you invalidate others. Let go of judgement and start respecting others.

They are also invited to do the evaluation / quiz for the class.

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Everything Is Beautiful

November 25, 2008

What Do I Train In?
To better ensure successful performance of participants I need to not only deliver knowledge but also to consider basing my training on competencies which includes personal characteristics, attitudes, values and personality which are required to perform successfully.  Thus we are talking about competencies and not just knowledge.

Competency Based Training has clear Objectives / Results / Benefits
It is important to choose competencies that will enable participants to deliver the results we want.  For any training I want to have clear and specific learning objectives laid out so participants know what results to expect i.e. what job or function they can perform upon completing the training or what benefit they can expect upon completion of the course.  If this is not clear, it will be difficult to measure the effectiveness or success of the training.

How Is Competencies Based Training Facilitated?
To equip participants with competencies, I provide opportunities for learning by creating an environment where it is alright to be in progress and to be on a continuum of achieving competencies.   Instead of seeing things and acts as right or wrong, I rather see them as a work in progress, perfect the way it is and on the way to greater perfection.  By having this perspective, I make it very safe for participants to learn and grow.

Everything is Beautiful
Everything and everyone is just perfect and beautiful the way you are and on your way to greater excellence.   I hope this will you learn, grow in confidence and be your best and self! Here’s to perfection and excellence!


Learning Involves All Of These

November 16, 2008
Our Great Teacher Confucius has this wise saying for us, “What I hear I tend to forget, what I see, I remember, what I do, I understand.”   Isn’t it true that we forget more than half the things we learned at training workshops and training seminars less than a week into our real lives in the real world?

To fully benefit from any learning experiences it is vital that we have the different components.   It is in the doing that we appreciates the wisdom behind the concepts, although light bulb moments often occurs as we are in reflection mode.

David A Kolb introduced his 4 learning stages in experiential learning theory that gave further insight into how adult learns.   I find it intriguing that we go through different phases in the learning process.   If I were to enhance the learning experience for my audience in my training workshops and seminars, I would want to cover as many of these stages as possible for a fuller, richer experience of learning.

Kolb’s model therefore works on – a four-stage cycle:
1.  Concrete Experience
2.  Reflective Observation
3.  Abstract Conceptualization
4.  Active Experimentation

This represents a spiral from Experiencing -> Reflecting -> Thinking -> Acting. Experience lead to observations and reflections (absorbed and translated) into abstract concepts with implications for action, which the person can actively test and experiment with, which in turn enable the creation of new experiences.

Thus, for any effective learning to take place, I want to incorporate as many of these components in our curriculum as possible.  This is particularly so if I want to cater to the different learning styles of the individual learners as some learn better through observation while others learn by actual hands on doing of the concepts discussed.

Without going into lengthy scholarly and academic discussion of the adult learning theory, the application for me here is to ensure that any curriculum I design will cater to these components so my adult learners can have the fullest learning experience.   I want to make room for the various faculties to take in the leaning process, absorbing and assimilating the learning into the cells of their being.

As the great Teacher, Confucius would also say “”By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by Reflection, which is noblest; Second, by Imitation, which is easiest; and third by Experience, which is the most bitter.


So whether you are reflecting or imitating or going through some fiery trials, know that life is teaching you precious lessons which if you do not resist but allow yourself to complete the cycle of learning, you will come out wiser and stronger and on a different plane of learning altogether.


So let’s open up to learning, let’s get into discussion, journalling, implemneting and experiencing and modeling.   And the next time you see Action Items or Field Work from my training seminars or workshops, do go ahead and spend time in completing these as they will enhance yoru overall learning experience.   To your learning experience!


Coaches, Trainers, Facilitators

November 10, 2008

No, I am not into definitions. But what strikes me was the simple answer to the quest I was seeking.  Since my encounter with the Academy, I have been asking what is it about the Trainers that make them so powerful and effective?  What was the model they used?   I have done a fair bit of training in education and learning, and I have taken Train the Trainer with 2 other organizations.  Yet I am still looking for the secret to being a good Trainer.


The answer to the secret was “Self Awareness”.  A good Trainer is awareness of herself and allows herself to be the best and true self that she can be.  How straightforward yet how true!


Eben Pagan has said that the most powerful sate to be in is the state of awareness, or consciousness.  In the state of awareness, one has clarity and focus; one is accepting and embracing and is functioning in its true and higher self.   I am struck that at every corner I turn, I am greeted with the same concept.  I just came back from an intensive training camp where I was in close community with 43 other “mirrors”, my awareness has since been sharper.   And I agree with Bron that when there is awareness, there is centeredness and I could perform the best, even under the darkest moments.


Awareness – do I know why I am here in this class?   Do I know my potentials?  What strengths do I bring to the class?  What are my conditioning and how is that affecting me as I participate in the discussion?   With awareness, things are in perspectives and I would be in a better position to intuitively know what to do for the best of all participants.


So my greatest take away (there were many) from the first class of Train the Trainer the ICA Model, is the need to be more aware of me; who I am, how I think and function. And as I gain more self awareness I would have a greater sense of acceptance and appreciation for myself and those around me.   And when that happens, there will be an openness and inclusiveness that will create the most conducive learning environment, whether I am a Coach, a Trainer or a Facilitator.


There are at least 14 mirrors for me in the Train the Trainer class, I thank you all in advance for being my mirrors and I know I will have yet heightened awareness after 7 weeks so I can be a more empowered facilitator.